Yesterday I wrote about an eagle that landed in a nearby tree just as I was writing a difficult-for-me post for this blog. I took the following video expecting that the magnificent bird would fly off at any second. I wanted to capture the bird in flight with my camera.

For minute after minute, I kept on alert for the eagle’s launch. But instead, it stayed in that tree with me clearly in its sight. “Hey, quit expecting the eagle to leave and just be here now in the company of this glorious companion,” I chided myself. So I relaxed and watched with what Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel would call “radical amazement” at the wonder of my being in the company of that eagle.

And that Regal Eagle, after a good long time of contemplation, — pooped! What did I expect a speech from the throne?

So above is a video I took of this bald eagle who shared some meditation time with me yesterday. I invite you sit for 10 minutes and BE with this glorious bird.

May you be filled with “radical amazement” about the world you live in. Shalom.

I witnessed the eagle witnessing me.

bald eagle (centre photo)

I have had a deeply spiritual day today but not because I felt uplifted into the Light of the Great Spirit but rather because I felt the UGLY DRAGON of my own Denied Shadow writhe in my guts and demand attention. Oh, my day started off with very good intentions. I got up early, laid out my yoga mat and dedicated three candles to loved ones close to my heart. I even lit incense (nearly smoke-less, made from pure lavender) – a first in my unscented, hypo allergenic home. As I settled in place for meditation, I was immediately able to focus on my breath and heart beat – something that is very difficult for me at the end of a busy day. “Cool, this is easy,” I thought as I mentally gave myself the thumbs up sign.

After a while my daughter woke up and came downstairs. She chirped a happy “good morning” and set off to finish a creative project she wanted to share with her Unitarian Sunday school class. We were both happy and cheerful. “Aaaah, aren’t Sundays lovely? This meditating first thing in the morning is really, a snap,” I said to myself with no small amount of pride.

And, as we all know, “Pride goethe before The Fall.”

Not long after our angelic morning greeting, my daughter and I were YELLING at each other: she at me because she had run out of time and cold not have her art project done in time for Sunday school and that was somehow MY fault; and me yelling at her for yelling at me and wrecking the peace of my Sunday (a truly disturbing and illogical response on my part). Our argument escalated along with the volume of our voices. Eventually, and thankfully, harsh words were followed by apologies on both sides, and we hugged to try to calm down our mutually frayed nerves.  As always after my ill-considered blasts of anger, I still have lingering remorse over my lack of self-control.

No amount of meditation, yoga, silent retreat, or years of praying can reveal the true spiritual dis-ease in me faster than my own child. A mere handful of minutes after lighting my meditation candles, I was battling my Shadow, feeling it alive and  writhing in my guts, wanting to SCREAM, and shame, and hurt. For that moment, my Shadow was Ugly and HUGE. I experienced a powerful rising up my spine that was more like a vengeful valkyrie than a kundalini-rising phoenix.

This is what I learned today.

1. When I sit down to my yoga mat – I am inviting my whole Self  to be present; the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly are all illuminated in the light cast by my meditation candle.
2. Ignoring the presence of my Shadow side by pining for peace instead of working toward peace, is never a good idea.
3. One reason my child is in my life is to call my spiritual bluff. One of her pre-teen tantrums can “out” my Shadow faster than any psychotherapy session or spiritual retreat ever could. It is a well-known Cosmic-joke-and-Great-Truth that our children are our Greatest Gurus, programmed by the Beloved to pierce our inflated egos with laser accuracy. Our children are little Cosmic Chefs who regularly and gleefully dish out generous portions of abject humility, well-seasoned with bone-deep wisdom, to parents brave enough to show-up for our children’s spiritual lessons-du-jour.

This morning I “played” at spiritual enlightenment and went through the motions of meditation only to have a full blown, face-to-face battle with my Shadow. In the late afternoon, I was sitting outside in the forest, with my fingers fumbling on my laptop keyboard trying to make some meaning out of my day (let’s pretend it’s “normal” to write blog posts in the forest, OK?). In that moment, I realized that my Light and Shadow would be best served if I “fess-up” and shared — rather than hid — my dark shadow side with you.

And just like that, Grace and Beauty came to me in the form of a bald eagle that landed in a nearby tree.  While I intently observed the eagle, I consciously breathed in the forest air. I consciously kept my mind and heart focused on that gorgeous bird. I witnessed the eagle witnessing me. What must I look like to that perceptive winged soul? I saw myself — my whole Self — Light and Shadow — as an eagle would from a tree, and re-affirmed for myself that I was another natural creature in this complex and mysterious world. A full 10 minutes past while I allowed my Self to relax and come under the sustained and non-judging gaze of that Magnificent Eye.

This was my true mediation today: By consciously recognizing and shedding light on my Shadow, I was gifted with the knowledge that there is a loving home for my whole Self  in the company of the Natural Mysterious Presence that abounds on this beautiful Earth.

May you find yourself at home with and embrace by the Natural Mysterious Presence as you journey through your week. Amen.

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Photo credits: Photos by jamm at brightheartsinging.wordpress.com. I am grateful to my daughter who spied today’s eagle landing high in a nearby forest tree and ran to get my camera for me.

bright heart singing, copyright 2009 – jamm. Creative commons attribution, non-commercial sharing only (translation: feel free to quote me in context or use this entry but please always credit me for my work, thanks.) http://brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

Trees against a blue sky, "Photoshop" swirl by "luna"

I am back from my summer in the country. It is no surprise that I am having the usual city culture shock. Life in this city is just so fast and action packed. Where my mind used to have time over the summer to dwell on meditations while hanging clothes on the clothes line, and working on the beginnings of a book, now I have to sharply snap to the present, packed-to-the-rafters Fall term that lies before me. Where I use to drive along a single lane of a roughly paved back country road vaguely keeping my eyes on the ditch in case of jumping deer, now I am white knuckling the steering wheel as I drive my daughter to school along a freeway full of people who consider the posted speed their minimum speed.

The other day I was merging onto the freeway by way of one of the few on-ramps that has a long, easy entry onto the freeway. After much advance signaling, and perfect positioning on my part, I began to merge onto the freeway only to have the on-coming driver step on the gas and overtake me — forcing me to brake and steer towards the cement barriers. I honked and yelled to the speed-demon driver, “HOLYSWEETMOTHEROFUSALL! DON’T YOU KNOW HOW TO MERGE?!” (Could we just pretend that’s what I said? I am far too embarrassed to give you an exact quote of what I actually yelled). I braked in time and the other driver eventually moved to the non-merging lane.

a negative lens

I made it home with every nerve jangled. I was frightened to have been almost run off the road. I was angry to have had my life endangered. And, most of all, I was ashamed that, after a whole summer of practicing my version of hippy “Peace, Love, and Harmony,” I had such a nasty stream of negative language issue forth from my mouth.  Then I had a realization: the obvious explanation for my absurd near-accident was that the over-taking driver simply did not see me or my merge signal — her or his mind must have been somewhere else.

If you are reading this post and have ever had your mind somewhere else while driving and made a stupid mistake, raise your hand. My hand is well up because I have — on more than one occasion — been an inattentive driver and put myself and others at risk. I need to stay vigilant and intentionally practice care-full driving, Clearly, if my cell phone rings while I’m driving, I should let it go to messaging so I — and those around me — can stay alive to see another day. Am I capable of committing to ONLY driving — no multi-tasking while I am driving? I hope so.

The Speed of Life in the country is slower, more mundane, less convenient. Time has a way of opening up and inviting me to grab a book or hang out with a pen and some paper. In the country, I notice the sunrises and sunsets, the tides, and the birds. For me, the Speed of Life in the city is all about multi-tasking mothering, chauffeuring, teaching, house cleaning, choir rehearsals, and — if I feel not too guilty, I sneak moments to read or write. I can go days careening around my city life without noticing the sun or birds. Do I have what it takes when I am in the city, to regularly carve out time to connect with Nature, devote regular hours to writing, and bring a Sabbath or Holy Day into my life to refresh my Spirit once a week? I hope so.

I know, in a week, my country/city culture clash will have resolved and my city life will seem to me to be “No Big.” But right now, just when I am in transition from my summer retreat to my modern city life, the true Speed of Life and the real lifestyle choices it brings becomes very salient to me.

I normally finish my blog entries with a blessing for you. Today, I feel inspired to offer a prayer:

Holy Sweet Mother of Us All, please keep all of us  safe while we are driving. Help us resist letting the stresses and pressures of our high speed, complex lives adversely affect our good judgment and courtesy when we are in the driver’s seat. And Beloved Mother, while I have your attention, could you send me some of your Divine Calmness and Impeccable Judgment to help me wisely negotiate the transitions in my own Speed of Life. Amen and Blessed Be.

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*******       bright heart singing                              credits and links             *******
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Photo credits: Photo effects by “luna;” photos by jamm at brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

bright heart singing, copyright 2009 – jamm. Creative commons attribution, non-commercial sharing only (translation: feel free to quote me in context or use this entry but please always credit me for my work, thanks.) http://brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

This is our time for our Spirits to be free.

Yesterday, my daughter finished her last day of school. And now our beautiful season of togetherness begins. We love summer and hanging around everyday and just Being — being quiet, being creative, being happy. This is our time for our Spirits to be free. This is my time to be in my finest role – Mama.

So with happiness and anticipation, I am taking my summer leave from my blog and other professional duties while I take time to focus on my family. I hope to come back to this blog and my work life in September having read lots yummy books and indulged my daily writing practice. I look forward to sharing that renewed Spiritual Light with you.

May your summer be filled with Peace, Love, and everything you need to be your Best Self. Blessed Be.

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*******       bright heart singing                              credits and links             *******
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Photo credit: jamm @ brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

bright heart singing, copyright 2009 – jamm. Creative commons attribution, non-commercial sharing only (translation: feel free to quote me in context or use this entry but please always credit me for my work, thanks.) http://brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

One day I got an unexpected email from my friend, Jerry, asking me to publish his poem. I loved the poem but it was an unusual request to ask to have a poem published on my spiritual blog. Nevertheless, I replied to Jerry and said I would be delighted to publish his poem. He wrote me back, and with embarrassment, explained that he meant to send the email to a publisher and accidentally sent it to me. But he, nevertheless, was thrilled I agreed to publish his poem. A happy accident for us both! And now this seems like the perfect time to share Jerry’s poem with you.

Remembrances

By Jeronimo Miller

The bed quietly murmurs your name
And the room awaits your pen and eye.
The mattress sleeps expectantly for
————— your next curvaceous recline.
The quilt wishes to hold your fragrance,
And the pillow your dreams.

“Ohh, this  is  good  !”

The mantra of the evenings
When the two a-likes
Entwine within their warmth,
And wordlessly
Pass maps
Of the Ways to Heaven.

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*******       bright heart singing                              credits and links             *******
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Photo credit – jamm @ bright heart singing

bright heart singing, copyright 2009 – jamm. Creative commons attribution, non-commercial sharing only (translation: feel free to quote me in context or use this entry but please always credit me for my work, thanks.) http://brightheartsinging.wordpress.com