My first blog ever was here at bright heart singing. I still consider this blog my “home sweet home” — a place for me to rest, sip some tea, and reflect on the beauty and the challenges of life. But I also have heaps of behind the scenes blogs — one for every research project — and a few professional blogs depending on what “hat” I am wearing. The behind the scenes blogs are invaluable for collecting the raw material and hyperlinks necessary for any project. The professional blogs are also necessary but require me to “speak” in a different voice and in service of different purposes. Lately, all these other writing spaces have elbowed out my contemplative practice here.

I also have been worried about how much of my inner life belongs “out there” on the internet. Of course, I only blog about what is safe for me here and elsewhere on the net. But what should I do when I struggle with the “tough stuff” that should be kept private? Drop out of blogging until I am past the challenges? Make light of or keep silent about what is going on? And if I did keep silent about the bad and only wrote about the good wouldn’t my blog be “Polyanna” saccharine?

So I have asked myself, “why do I blog at all?” Obviously, my professional blogs have professional purposes that meet my communication needs. But what about my sweet home here? While there are several reason for me continuing here, the number one reason — by a long shot — is for my daughter. I want to leave behind a record of the soul level conversations I have with myself as I negotiate my life. When my daughter is 50, if I am still alive, I will be 88. This blog, bright heart singing, is my time capsule for her. I hope it will be another way I can walk with her through her mid-life journey.

But, also, I want to have you along as well, keeping me real, bringing me back again and again to this place to keep me company as I make my own journey. I benefit from your comments and your company. In an attempt to keep my conversation real, and create a more well-rounded written record by giving me the space to discuss the challenges along with the blessings in my life, I will experiment with the WordPress password protection for my entries that are more private and only for my regular readers, close friends, and — ultimately — my daughter. (Please ask me if you would like the passwords to my entries by leaving your email address in the comment section).

So here’s to my writing bright heart singing and to you recording your journey in a way that feels just-right-for-you. Who knows what our lives will look like 38 years from now when my daughter turns 50?

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Photo credit:  Photo by jamm at bright heart singing

bright heart singing, copyright 2010 – jamm. Creative commons attribution, non-commercial sharing only (translation: feel free to quote me in context or use this entry but please always credit me for my work, thanks.)http://brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

My cat
is on the roof
AGAIN!

My cat
is on the roof
AGAIN!
Feline footfalls
create fleeting thunder
rolls over my slumbering bedroom ceiling.
My alarm clock complains,
“but it’s only ten after five
in the morning.”
as it turns its clock face to the wall
trying to pretend it can go back to sleep
for two more hours.

Meanwhile, on the roof, the adventure continues…
Supercat leaps from peak to peak,
“With lightening speed, I run across Danger Ridge,
and skulk behind Chimney Bluff.
No bird can escape my eagle eye.
No squirrel goes unchastized by the swish of my tail.
Perched high above the world,
I fearlessly patrol
on the look out for intruders.
No one escapes Supercat.
I am mighty and invincible!

Suddenly,
Supercat is struck by fierce hunger pains.
“Meow… I am wounded … and must crawl home.
I can’t find my way down.
I am going to die!
I want my mommy.
“Meeoooooow!”

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Photo credit:  Photos by jamm at brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

bright heart singing, copyright 2010 – jamm. Creative commons attribution, non-commercial sharing only (translation: feel free to quote me in context or use this entry but please always credit me for my work, thanks.)http://brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

The world shines about me,
luminous as the moon, smiling like a rose,
and a sweet benediction
flows through everything existing.
How beautiful life is.
– Hamza El Din

Now that I am here
in these shoes
walking this footpath,
my ears are filled with the”plop, plop” sounds
of raindrops falling off rose petals.
I marvel at this thirst-quenching symphony,
this fragrant cacophony.
I raise my hand to high five The Blossom Maestro,
but instead of slapping skin with a Holy Rosey Hand,
I only see a butterfly flutter by.
How could I have not heard these rose-drop performances before now?

– Jessica Motherwell, Raindrops off rose petals, June 2010

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Photo credit:  Photos by jamm at brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

Poem credits: I found Desse Barama (Peace) by Hamza El at http://www.americanistan.com/id24.html

bright heart singing, copyright 2010 – jamm. Creative commons attribution, non-commercial sharing only (translation: feel free to quote me in context or use this entry but please always credit me for my work, thanks.)http://brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

After days of brain fog and physical exhaustion, I have come home to a calm mind. I feel lucky that I was given the opportunity to take a mental health “p.j. day” over the weekend where I could just lie down and recover from the travel stress and the never ending pile-up of work since I have returned. Plus, I have been able to catch up on emails (Happiness is Inbox zero!) and resolve a few of the issues that I have been struggling with. My heart is lighter. Hello Calm Mind and Heart’s Ease, you are both very welcome back into my life.

Sometimes when I am wanting to blog but cannot focus my thoughts, I scroll through my photo library and see what images seem to mirror my interior landscape. I took this pic of a solitary sweet pea set against craggy rocks one calm-after-the-storm morning. The rain drops were barely dry by the time I took out my camera on this seaside walk. While there is no shortage of colour and contrast in this image, the overcast sky holds the upper hand, as it throws a moody, grey blanket over the whole scene, and keeps the energy subtle and contemplative.

I don’t have much to say about the sweet pea in me, but I am glad of this calm after the storm, the lingering overcast notwithstanding.

May Calm and Ease also come to visit you today. Shalom.

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Photo credit:  jamm at brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

bright heart singing, copyright 2010 – jamm. Creative commons attribution, non-commercial sharing only (translation: feel free to quote me in context or use this entry but please always credit me for my work, thanks.)http://brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

Well my daughter and I made it back from Knoxville. The trip was happy, tense, exhausting and educational. But now I have so much work that has piled up while I was away. So while I alternate catching up on my lack of sleep and my HUGE pile-up of work, I’ll leave you with this silly joke that I learned this week:

Question: Why did the 1/5th go to the psychiatrist?

Answer: Because he was 2/10ths.

May you avoid being 2/10ths and instead enjoy the day. Wishing you Love and Peace.

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Photo credit:  jamm at brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

bright heart singing, copyright 2010 – jamm. Creative commons attribution, non-commercial sharing only (translation: feel free to quote me in context or use this entry but please always credit me for my work, thanks.)http://brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

I leave in four hours to take my daughter on a week long field trip to the states while my husband stays home so he can meet some work deadlines. Actually a group of ten kids and ten adults are going. I have lots of questions for myself: Can I keep my patience with all those kids? Can I keep my patience with their over-tired parents (me included)? Will we come home alive? (I always feel closer to death when traveling internationally – illogical but true). Will we have a good time? Will I have never ending pre-teen/mother tension? Or will we be able to relax together?

Who knows.

Please wish us well.

I hope your week is wonderful too. Cheers.

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Photo credit:  jamm at brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

bright heart singing, copyright 2010 – jamm. Creative commons attribution, non-commercial sharing only (translation: feel free to quote me in context or use this entry but please always credit me for my work, thanks.)http://brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

Again I resume the long
lesson: how small a thing
can be pleasing, how little
in this hard world it takes
to satisfy the mind
and bring it to its rest.

- Wendell Berry

I love taking photos of small insects, flower petals, or even a bowl of tea. All of Life is exposed in the tiny details. Yesterday this wee bird flew over my head and rested on a branch so high in the trees that I could barely see it. So I zoomed in with my camera, took a photo, and, looking at this image, marveled at this elegant creature. Yes, a little thing does satisfy the mind and bring it to its rest.

May you, too, marvel at the Universe revealed in each small thing. Amen

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Photo credit:  jamm at brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

Poem credit: I first read this excerpt of a poem, Sabbaths 1999, VII,  by Wendell Berry in my daily email from Ivan at Poetry Chaikhana. I can’t count how many days his poems have set my mind and heart at ease. Check out his daily poem service here: http://www.poetry-chaikhana.com/

bright heart singing, copyright 2010 – jamm. Creative commons attribution, non-commercial sharing only (translation: feel free to quote me in context or use this entry but please always credit me for my work, thanks.)http://brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

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Photo credit:  jamm at brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

bright heart singing, copyright 2010 – jamm. Creative commons attribution, non-commercial sharing only (translation: feel free to quote me in context or use this entry but please always credit me for my work, thanks.)http://brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

Hello dear blog friend,

I am still here behind the scenes at bright heart singing. I have not forgotten you. I am mothering, murmuring, meandering, meditating, musing, misgiving, mistrusting, mulling, marking, minding, being mindful, having my mind FULL, fully me and then slipping, and then being that other person who lives in a fear place, and then, just like how the first warm day of Spring surprises me with the news that Winter is — finally — over, Love winds surprise me by swooping me up, taking me for a spin through the Love clouds, and setting me back down on this Love land until my Love shoes make a soft THUNK sound on the ground, leaving me in full possession of my Love life. And the whole time I am growing, feeling deep down like this year is a good vintage year for me, like I am maturing into a rich burgundy Love wine, aging to perfection, soon to be poured out and shared. But first, its time to do the laundry, and wash the grimy hand prints off the walls, and whack the dirt out of the hallway rug, and fling open every window and door and let Divine Oxygen fill my home and heart with clean, effervescent Joy.

May Spring bless your heart and home. Blesses Be.

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Photo credit:  jamm at brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

bright heart singing, copyright 2010 – jamm. Creative commons attribution, non-commercial sharing only (translation: feel free to quote me in context or use this entry but please always credit me for my work, thanks.)http://brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

“SKUNK FIGHT!” my husband yells. I am up running before my eyes are open. The ear-splitting sound is unmistakable – like a squirrel with its tail caught in an electric pencil sharpener. Two skunks are airing a disagreement outside our open bedroom window. No matter who wins, there is no way for this conflict to end without our family suffering through olfactory hell.
Bolting from a sound sleep, we prepare for the worst: 60 seconds to get the house locked down before IT happens. With fire-drill precision, my husband runs for the air cleaner; my daughter gets the fan; and I slam the window close. We cower back in our family bed hoping against hope we can be spared.
Meanwhile a menacing stench – a blend of putrid porta-potty, steaming tar, and burning plastic — crawls across our room. The seconds count down until, “BLAM!” we are decimated by the face-melting chemical fog.
“OHHOLYMOTHEROFSKUNK!” we scream as we dive under the duvet trying to seal off the inevitable. But there is no escape from this Cloud of Doom.
We writhe and gag while somewhere outside a triumphant skunk waddles away promising to return, “Hasta la vista, baby.”

I am left lying awake in agony with an old camp tune, Snake Farm, running through my head — except these new words spring to mind:

Skunk fight! Smells pretty nasty.
Skunk fight! Pretty much is.
Skunk fight! Its a varmit conflict.
Skunk fight! Eeeeuuww….

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Image credit: Skunk drawing by jamm at brightheartsinging.wordpress.com

bright heart singing, copyright 2010 – jamm. Creative commons attribution, non-commercial sharing only (translation: feel free to quote me in context or use this entry but please always credit me for my work, thanks.)http://brightheartsinging.wordpress.com